Fashioning our Own Holiday Traditions

Years later, however, Jabu and I wrestled with how best to approach the winter holidays in our own home. How could we not? We’re thinkers–passionately idealistic, stubborn thinkers–trying our best to consciously navigate partnership and our own well-considered belief systems. And I am from the United States, he from Zimbabwe.

At first, we debated whether we should celebrate at all. Then, how many of my holiday traditions we might adopt without smothering him. After years of give-and-take that left neither of us fulfilled, the conversation shifted to shaping our own holiday traditions, practices that look like us and speak to what we believe and value as a partnership. We’re still there today, slowly becoming us, in holiday mode.

Seeing at the core of Thanksgiving–beneath its fraught context–a simple harvest celebration not unlike others around the world, we’re considering observing Inxwala–an Nguni harvest festival originating in southeastern Africa–on the final Thursday of November or otherwise honoring it during the winter holiday season. One of our early and easy Christmas decisions was to share in the preparation of a holiday meal, in lieu of gift-giving. Planning a menu together, rather than hitting the shops, has become one of our favorite end-of-year traditions, and his pies and muffins my favorite desserts. And we’ve begun raising a Christmas Tree, which, initially, we trimmed on the event of the winter solstice, but now decorate earlier, as we so enjoy the warmth it brings to our home.

Most recently, we’ve found ourselves absorbed in Christmas Tree ornaments, like teenagers expressing themselves sartorially. In honor of our first Denver Christmas, and perhaps, as a farewell to our days of frequent relocation, we’ve incorporated elements of our past homes into this year’s ornaments. There is one for each of the states and countries where we have lived together (seven altogether), plus Zimbabwe. We’ve also begun what will likely be an ongoing project to bring the outdoors into our home for the holidays. Accordingly, this year’s Christmas Tree has been hung with ornaments made primarily from natural materials, like wood, metal, stone, and cotton. The feel is decidedly rustic. Next year, we hope to go even further.

We’re enjoying this exploration of the holidays and have found both joy and pride in building traditions and practices that honor our differences and are grounded in who we are together.

Do you celebrate any winter holidays? How are you making them your own?